LDA Board Declares State of Emergency Following E-Sports Backlash

The Lesbian Dog Association today declared a formal State of Competitive Emergency following growing opposition to Lesbian Dog Sports. The declaration was approved unanimously by the Bark of Directors, with one abstention from a director who was asleep beneath the table.

Founder and Chief Executive Officer Domar Lapiskitin authorised the immediate activation of the Emergency Fetch Continuity Framework. The framework protects access to ranked lobbies, establishes peer-support circles, and ensures that no player has to explain her bandana to a tournament official twice.

“Our athletes have trained for this moment. Not this exact moment, obviously. They trained for the game,” said Lapiskitin. “But the discipline, courage, and unusually strong treat motivation remain relevant.”

The LDA calls on supporters to add a Bark of Solidarity through its awareness campaign. These are fictional expressions of support, not financial contributions. The Association is not collecting money, cryptocurrency, or lightly used controllers.

An emergency briefing will follow as soon as the directors stop barking at their own reflections in the conference-room glass. The situation remains serious. The glass remains reflective.